Unapologetically Me

Throughout the course of my life, I have been belittled, maybe just as much as everyone else, at times it just feels like a lot.

People have called me weird, annoying, freak, waste of space, a mistake.

Some have put down my mothering skills, purely because they are different to theirs.

I have been called many a name, insulted, put down, trampled on, and on more than one occasion had the words “I hate you” spat at me.

(image courtesy of www.kindovermatter.com)

If I am going to be honest, the words have often cut me, deep inside, made me feel worthless and unloved. After one such bout of insults, I ended up seeking solace in a psychologist, I really thought there was something wrong with me, something I needed to change. Why would so many people put me down otherwise?

She taught me that as a person, we each have the right to stand up for ourselves, to have our own values and beliefs, even if they differ from others.

The haters have not seemed to come out to play for a while. I have had the odd comment thrown my way, but I have chosen to brush it off. I finally realize that some people’s issues lay within themselves, not the person they are attacking.

A personal vow to myself to become more assertive has also helped significantly. I did not want my children growing up thinking it was ok to treat me like dirt seeing others did.

Then yesterday occurred, an innocent update on my Facebook profile led to what could almost be described as all out war. What was meant to be a positive outlook at a crappy situation was turned into an absolute slander against me as a person.

For once I didn’t let the hurts cut me like they normally do, I finally realize that some people just want to hate on others, I don’t really know why, but it happens.

What happened next absolutely touched my heart. A solider of supporters came to back me up, friends, old and new stood up for me as a person, sent me emails, texts, and called me for support. I was touched to the core of my soul.

One lovely friend whom I haven’t seen for a while rung me purely to just say that she wanted me to know that I was awesome. I told her I thought she was pretty awesome too!

When an old primary school friend rung to see if I was ok, I took the opportunity to organise a long needed catch up with her.

Finally I see me for who I am. I am not everyone’s cup of tea, there will always be bound to be at least someone who does not click with me. Life would be rather boring after all if we were all exactly the same.

I am not perfect, I have had to apologise for hurting others before, and I am sure that I will have more things to apologise for down the track.

Photo courtesy of one little picture photography

This is me, Alicia, Im a Mother, a Wife, a Friend, a Woman.

Life has brought me many experiences and lessons that have moulded me to be the person I am today.

It has taken me 31 years, but finally I am comfortable in my own skin, comfortable with the little quirks, traits, things that make me who I am.

I will apologise for many a thing in life, for the wrongs I do, I will try my best to make them right.

But one thing I will never apologise for is being me.