Gratitude and Acceptance

I have a confession, I have self diagnosed myself with “Facebook Envy”, it is the disease that occurs when you constantly read friends facebook updates, or see pictures of them doing things that you wish you were able to do.

I once read a quote that said:

“Envy is wanting what someone else wants,

Jealousy is not wanting them to have it”

I can safely say  that it is envy that stirs up in side of me. I certainly don’t begrudge others for what they have.

What is the main things that I become envious of? One would automatically think that I am envious of large amounts of money, lovely homes, material things, when in fact it is the family support that other parents get that I get envious of.

We have both of our families living in the same town as us, our in laws living only 200m up the road, but we rarely get any hands on help from them.

I don’t want to go into it, I know I will come out seeming nasty, and after all I realise that no one sits down with their parents and in laws before becoming a parent themselves and says “Hey listen, we are going to try for a baby, you will be there to help us in the rough times, give us a break when we need it, or an extra set of hands right? Just checking”.

Something inside me thought that our children would be raised by a community, the community being our family.

My Mum is busy and stressed in raising her 15-year-old granddaughter by herself. The 50 year age gap between them causes a fair bit of friction, and I am often the one offering to take Jazmine for them to have some time apart, or listening to Mums parenting issues as she tells me what has been happening of late.

My in laws are probably best described as not being really maternal, I don’t doubt that they love their grandchildren, but they just are not fussed on the hands on stuff.

While the green-eyed monster comes out to play when I see pictures of couples embarking on child free, romantic weekends, or even getting to go on a date night without having to pay a babysitter to look after their kids.

I get that tinge of envy when I hear how someone was sick, and their Mum came over with a pot of soup, sent them to bed and took care of the house for the day.

Even the simple act of hearing a friend got their washing hung out for them, or seeing the neighbour over the back fence have her Mum come play with her son while she can run some errands.

In actual honesty, as a Mum, I just really sometimes want to be Mothered myself.

While I have been practising gratitude for all the great things in my life, and have been taking the time to be thankful for all the amazing blessings I have, I have found that I have still been finding myself upset and child like in the things that I wish I had.

Only recently I have realised what I was missing in my life, quite simply it was Acceptance.

Acceptance in the fact that things are like they are, some things simply cannot be changed, no matter how much you wished they were different, or wanted things “easier”, they are simply just as they are.

Finally the fog is lifting, and I can see it all a little clearer, I can not promise that the  envy will be cured for good, but I can say that I realise my wish did come true.

I wanted my children to be raised by a community, well they are, the community may be a little smaller than expected, but it is a team none the less.

As a family of 4, we are creating our own little community, our own team, and that is something that many people may have their own little envy over.


3 thoughts on “Gratitude and Acceptance

  1. Big hugs hon – i can really relate – of course ours are being raised with no family here but i still feel let down when my in laws even visit- they don’t interact with the kids much and never give us a break even if it has been a long time without one (thankfully my mother does send us out when she visits). I had to let go of my disappointment and expectations a while ago (but it rears its head sometimes). I think that is a normal reaction when we had an idea in our heads how things would be(kind of like mourning its loss)

  2. I’m learning likewise that same deal. The one thing I have found that has helped is the very notion that having expectations means there will be disappointment. So letting expectations go was the first port of call for me. If I can just say, I totally relate. I totally have envy and sometimes if its a bad enough desire jealousy seeps in – as the pity me, it’s not fair card comes out.

    But what I lack in help – I am am accepting that this is the way it’s meant to be – it is what it is and when the time comes I hope that I can be the person that my offspring can rely on as I know how hard it is to raise children in a society that is increasingly stepping away from a community and village mentality.

    It makes me want to grab all my friends and work as a team… assured if I was within proximity I would be there in a heartbeat offering that pot of hot soup and a scrubbing brush without any expectations. Just a village sharing the load.

    Just know that you’re not alone hun….*mega cyber hugs and soup and cleaning* wish it was so much more.

  3. thank you both for your lovely replies, can tell that you get what I mean, and yes, sometimes big expectations can lead to big dissapointments.
    I sometimes get more cranky at myself for my feelings rather then the situation itself, as I said, time for acceptance 🙂

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