I am ok, Thank you

It has been a month since I last wrote a post.

It has been a big, roller coaster of emotions month.

Lots of challenges, lots of trials, and thankfully lots of support along the way too.

I think I saw the signs for a while before I was officially diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety. I tried hard to hide it….. that didn’t work.

I had to allow myself to fall apart, which is impossible very hard to do when you have a young family depending on you.

There has been many a speed hump along the way.

Days in which I have just wanted to stay in bed and sleep for years.

Exhaustion that found me sleeping on a pile of my daughters clothes on her bedroom floor, and falling asleep on the bare mattress of my sons bed when I was meant to be in there making his bed.

Cognitive Therapy, as promised  has been confronting, forcing me to take a look at the way I view the world around me.

I have  always thought that I was  pretty self-confident, but when asked to tune into my inner thoughts, I was shocked to hear how many times a day I put myself down, how often I beat myself up for something I would tell others was just simply a mistake to learn from and move on from.

Some days it feels like forever since I have smiled…………….. then something gives me a reason to smile, or something to giggle at and I begin to feel “normal” again.

Life had to become more simple, I learnt the world was not going to cave in if the floors did not get mopped every week, or if we ate toasted sandwiches for dinner more than once a week.

Most of all I have found what an awesome, beautiful group of souls I am so fortunate to call my family and friends. The people who love me unconditionally, those who have texted, called, emailed just to check in on my progress.

The cheerleaders from the sidelines.

My beautiful little family who have watched way too many tears fall from my eyes in recent times, and my wonderful husband who has been shocked and scared with how low I had gotten, who has had to hold me close while I had such major anxiety attacks that I struggled to breathe.

I have realised something amongst this all.

I am not perfect, far from it, not one person in the world is.

I have a long way to go, a big journey ahead of me, but I am so very lucky to have such amazing people willing to walk beside me on the way, and carry me when the time calls for it.

To each and every one of you

Thank you xoox

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