Everything to Everyone = Exhaustion

I have a confession.

I am exhausted.

Physically, Emotionally, Mentally………. I’m exhausted.

After mountains of paperwork, legal assistance, and personal research, we were are  delighted to have the bank approval our loan application for our very own business.

It is by no means the first business we have looked at purchasing, but it is definitely one that ticks all the right boxes for us.

The price was feasible for us, the hours mean my husband will FINALLY be home on weekends, and it is small enough that we will not have to employ anyone else. The franchise we are becoming part of is also a very supportive, wonderful team, which really appealed to us.

I am happy, I really do have a good feeling about this, but that does not stop my anxiety and the subsequent sleepless nights with me laying wide awake in bed thinking “What the F*#k have we done! OMG, that is a lot of money to borrow, FAR OUT!!!!!!!”

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Training in Sydney – some 3000 km away from our home town, and while I did all my research in order to attempt to attend along with my husband, I have now admitted defeat.

With no one to look after our kids for the week of training, I even researched taking them with us and getting child care down there. The tally of that situation was rather expensive as you can imagine!

A lovely friend offered to help, but with her kids as well, she would have a total of 5 children to look after, and a seemingly impossible school/kindy drop off situation, with all our kids spread across town.

I have to admit, I find myself a bit jealous of my husband.

He is originally from NSW, and his training trip coincides quite well with an old friends going away party, an opportunity for him to see many people from his teenage years.

He will also be trained in every aspect of our new business, including Barista training from a champion Barista – and here is the part in which I tell you my husband does not drink coffee!

I on the other hand love the stuff, and with the knowledge that he will be getting five star training at making something he doesn’t even drink is full on.

In among all this excitement, Miss 6 gets a chest infection, Mr 4 becomes ill and I get a sinus infection.

The anniversary of my sisters death also comes up, and as with every year, I think I am doing ok at last as the date approaches, but the actual day leaves me feeling flat and drained, and as with every year, those silent tears begin to fall, out of nowhere, unannounced.

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We got ourselves an awesome deal on a local second hand site for a great computer desk and office chair for our new business, but with a very small house, I end up having to move some of the kids toys around, in order to claim a little nook in the house for the desk.

I am exhausted after all the moving and tidying, vacuuming and sorting, but the desk looks great, and I am picturing what little things I can do to make it a bit better………… then the kids overtake it with their toys filling every spare surface of it, and make it as their own counter for their shop game. With toys spread out near it, my little professional space does not look so professional for long.

It is school holidays and the kids will not stop fighting, with little patience to start with, I feel my stress levels soaring through the roof.

Yet another day being spent at home, when I just want to escape……… somewhere, anywhere.

Then I walk into this:

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My kids cuddled up together, playing a game and showing some kindness towards each other for a change.

I made sure I complimented them on their lovely behavior.

So the paperwork continues, and the list of things to be done grows.

The house is a mess, my mind is fried.

But I WILL get there.

I’m stressed and anxious, confused and exhausted, but in among it all, I remind myself that nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I could do with a mini vacation, someone else to look after the kids and a moment to myself, but that is not going to happen, so instead, I am being a little more gentle on myself.

Reminding myself that I am only human.

And looking towards all the great things and goals life has to offer us right now.

I will get there, slowly.


9 thoughts on “Everything to Everyone = Exhaustion

  1. I can totally understand how you must be feeling but I am so happy for you guys at the same time. You guys fully deserve a break from the ridiculous work hours that Jamie was doing. I really sincerely hope that this works out for you and you find the balance that you so desperately need! Take care of yourself Alicia, even if you get just a moment to yourself. You are doing a great job coping with all this and I’m sending you lots of love from kiwiland xxxxx

  2. your an amazing woman. i’m so happy for you and jamie! to live a dream is beyond compare and i’m so glad to hear good news of it for you! big hugs your way and if i could box you some of my little Cole’s energy i would, lol. xoxo dear friend

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