It feels of late that our family has been put into some sort of tumble spin, and life has spun a little out of control.
If the issues that we have faced were mine alone, I would explain every inch of them to you, but as they are a story that belongs to many people, I feel that it is not my story to share alone, it would be not fair to only share my side and leave others versions unspoken.
What I can say, and what some of you know, is that almost 3 months ago we took on our 15-year-old niece in emergency circumstances.
Life sure had thrown us a big learning curve, getting used to a teenager in the house, and all the joys, emotions and moments that come with it.
Miss 5 has not taken the change and upheaval so well, and in turn her behaviour has spiralled out of control. Mega tantrums that were not even seen in the days that were labelled “terrible twos”. Biting, screaming, swearing, destroying, exhausting tantrums that start unannounced and last for hours on end.
I stupidly thought a holiday that had been long-planned was what we all needed, the tool to heal all wounds, I realise now on looking back how naive I was.
As the Mother of the house, I want to protect everyone, I want us all to be happy, and to work as a complete little family unit as best as possible. In turn I have been exhausting myself with worry and frustration at the situation.
Amongst all of this, I still have a lot to be grateful for, as the title of this post says, Kindness, Honesty and Compassion.
In being honest in my feelings and the issues going on in my family, others have been open to sharing their stories with me and in turn making me see that each family has our own issues to work on an any given time.
Not one person has made me feel inadequate in my situation, only beautiful, kind, thoughtful words of encouragement have been shared, and I am so very grateful for that.
In searching for some sort of extra assistance, I phoned parentline today. It is an awesome organisation that I only found when trawling through the phone book with hope to find something or someone to help me. It is only available in Northern Territory and Queensland, but it is set out to assist parents in their time of need.
Dear Henry, a kind man with an Irish accent took my phone call. Henry had probably only started his shift for the day and was not expecting a blubbering mess like me calling him. I had thought he would give me answers, some guiding clue as to what to do. I told him that lately I feel I am faking it till I make it, and very rarely making it at that.
Henry listened, he spoke, he encouraged, he supported me. He did not have the magical answer that I was looking for, but he did make me feel that I was doing the best job that I can right now. It was nice to talk to someone uninvolved, no judgement, just an ear to listen.
There are so many beautiful people who I am grateful to have in my life.
My husband who has taken this out of control ride with me, and supported me the whole way, held my hand when what seems like millions of tears have fallen from my eyes recently.
I am blessed to also have such beautiful, supportive friends, caring about our family. It was a joy to talk to one such friend who lives in New Zealand today. Deb rang me for a catch up, it was nice to hear her friendly voice on the other end of the phone. Deb lives an ocean away, but sounded like she was only around the corner. It was nice to just chat, to be listened to , and to listen to her in return.
I have also been touched by messages, both public and privately shared by you, the readers who have touched my heart over the past year. Some of you have shared your own upheaval that you are individually experiencing at the moment, and I am grateful that you have included me in your life, that you take the time to wish my family and I well, or to simply tell me that you know we will be ok. You will never know how thankful I am for each and every one of you. Most I have never met, yet I feel I know you, and in turn have shared a little bit of myself with you.
For the school Mums, who have seen me drained and empty at the school pick ups and drop offs, for those who have supported me, watched me cry, be upset, confused or simply drained, yet still cheered me on, I am thankful to you.
For my friends, who have simply told me “I am here, whenever you need me”, your kindness and support has always been such a huge gift that I feel so blessed to have in my life.
For my little family. We may seem to be on a little roller coaster at the moment, in fact life is very much like a roller coaster at any one given time.
We will get through this little family, we will pull together, support each other, make mistakes, apologise when need be, we will laugh, we will cry, we will live, and it will all be that little bit extra special, as we have done it together.
No one ever said life would be easy, but it will sure be worth it.