Sometimes life just not go according to the picture perfect plan we had in our heads.
Oh boy do I know about this, in recent times, any plans that I had set out seem to have been thrown up in the air, torn to pieces and destroyed.
The people who should love you unconditionally sometimes don’t.
The people who should have your back sometimes stab you.
Hurdles come in our way, detours on life’s path, little speed bumps that were unexpected.
The plans we make sometimes get destroyed, but from their ruins, new plans, goals and ideas emerge, and we learn from our experiences, our failures, our hurts and our mistakes.
In these moments, we also find our support team, the cheer leaders in life that we are blessed to call friends.
Relationships are put to the test, and many emerge stronger, with the knowledge of how much your partner/ friend/ family have your back in a time of crisis.
I have had the detour of life’s plans lately, I have had days of wondering how on earth I would be able to put one foot in front of the other, how this would all work out, but at the end of the day, it was the simple moments that gave me courage,
the odd text of “how are you holding up?”
the email “you are in my thoughts”
the comforting phone call with an old friend.
one of my children telling me they love me.
and most importantly going to bed each night to warm safe arms wrapped around me and the whispers “we will get through this babe, I know we will”
I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I am so very thankful for the people who have carried me through these dark times when I felt I was not able to stand myself.
There has been moments that I have felt like a coward in it all, the woman who goes on about all the things to be grateful for was falling apart.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, I was not falling apart after all, just putting myself back together.
Life had thrown me some punches, and like a boxer in a boxing ring, I felt like I was on the ground, broken, bloodied, and ready for defeat.
I heard myself whisper in the haze of it all “I can’t take anymore, it just has to stop”
Life threw me a few more punches while I was down, a bit of a kick in the guts, to add to all the bruises, grazes and blood that was already there.
I wondered if I would get up, deep inside, in the depths of my soul, I knew I could do it, I knew so many people were counting on me, most importantly my own little family.
I kept getting the comments of “You are the Mum, you simply HAVE to keep it together for the family”
All the while I felt I was being held together myself by a thread, one delicate thread.
Slowly I stood up, ready to look life in the eye, battered, bruised, and still very delicate, but now with the belief in myself, that so many beautiful people had been holding all along, even when I didn’t
I looked life right in the eye, and in a deep, firm voice I said:
“Bring it on, you can’t break me”
Finally I am back, the broken pieces are starting to mend, the wounds are healing, and I start to realise I was not a coward at all, sometimes it is not about being brave all the time.
Sometimes it is ok to get knocked down, to be discouarged, to wonder how you will make it through.
The most important thing though is that you remember to get back on those feet, to look life in the eye and be prepared to fight, each of us have it in us, and each of us deserve to believe that we will go on, we will win, and we will move on.
That is true courage.