WARNING, THIS POST MAY CONTAIN TMI (TOO MUCH INFO) FOR SOME!!!
Miss 5 has been complaining of tummy aches for about a week. To start with, I thought perhaps she was constipated, but discounted that when she was actually passing number twos, albeit little ones (see too much info already?!)
My little darling is also known to be a bit of a hypochondriac, I remind her of the story “The boy who cried Wolf” and that one day she will be sick and no one will believe her, but it doesn’t seem to work.
So once again I thought she was putting it on, as it seems the sore tummy arrives right at bed time (a pet hate of Miss 5).
Finally, I decided we should go visit the Dr, just to check her tummy pains out “just in case”. Turns out she had a bowel obstruction, Dr could feel when she felt her tummy, and recommended laxatives, taken at night.
My first question “Are you sure, it will get “everything” moving before bedtime?” The Dr assured me that it would. No one in our family has ever had to take laxatives before, so I was not so sure of the time frame in which they worked.
Sooooo, we come to last night, I give Kiara her dose of laxatives, and we stay up a bit longer than usual for a family movie night anyhow.
She did one number two, but nothing else, and did not seem to have any tummy pains at bed time. I thought no more…………………
Then I get awoken in the middle of the night, Kiara tapping my shoulder and saying in a worried voice “Mummy, I think I pooed myself”. Well, I don’t have to check, the stench is like acid!
I wake myself up and assure her it is ok, and that I will help her get cleaned up, in the light of the bathroom, I find that the poor thing has had a blow out of mass proportions, it was an explosion!
What do I do? I start laughing! So not mother of the year award material!, don’t really know why I laughed, or what was funny about cleaning a turbo shit in the middle of the night, but I laughed. Thankfully Kiara too saw the funny part of it and had a little chuckle as well.
I stopped for a moment and thought of how upset I was as a child when I had diarrhea, and overheard my Mother on the phone laughing about how I was “shitting like a duck”, and here I am now blogging about my daughters mishaps! Oh dear, we do go full circle don’t we?!
So, I clean the poor thing up, go and find her sheets are in desperate need of changing “how did poo get all the way over THERE?!”. I change her sheets, make sure she is comfortable, and head back to bed.
Jamie stirs as I crawl back into bed, he asks sleepily if I am ok, I reply “well it seems the laxatives did the job of clearing Kiara out, it’s like a rocket went off in that poor girls bowels!”
Jamie replies “that’s good, how do you think it happened?”
‘What do you mean?” I say (thinking “how the f#$k do you think it happened?!”)
“Well, do you think it just slipped out, or the poor thing sharted?” (for those of you unaware, a “shart” is a cross between a shit and a fart, it is when you fart and some shit comes out!)
So there I lay, wide awake, 4:30am, laughing so hysterically I can hardly breathe, yet feeling a tad mean at the same time.
Poor little darling has not been 100% today either, and after slowly getting worse with stomach cramps this afternoon, we rushed her to the Doctors to make sure it was not anything serious. Thankfully it’s not serious, but poor thing has a virus that is going around that is causing severe stomach cramps, not unlike labour pains (have had similar virus a few years back, NOT NICE!)
So we head home, let our little one rest on the lounge, and I decide to take this time to interview the family to make our own mission statement for the next Challenge for Home life Simplified 52 week challenge.
I asked the family to each describe themselves and each other. Kiara doesn’t miss a beat, she says “Well I can describe myself by saying I shit myself when I am asleep!”. Jamie and I look at each other and burst out laughing, finally recover long enough to remind Kiara that “shit” is a swear word!
Parenthood sure is filled with ups and downs, highs and lows, cleaning vomit, wee and poo up at all hours of the day and night, sometimes we just need to have a good old laugh at it, even if it’s not meant to be funny!
Have you ever laughed at something that really shouldn’t be funny? or is it just me?!
P.S: Kiara, if you ever read this, I am sorry for sharing this story about you, just take peace in the fact that you will pay it forward one day if you ever have children of your own, keep the circle of embarrassing your child going!