Unapologetically Me

Throughout the course of my life, I have been belittled, maybe just as much as everyone else, at times it just feels like a lot.

People have called me weird, annoying, freak, waste of space, a mistake.

Some have put down my mothering skills, purely because they are different to theirs.

I have been called many a name, insulted, put down, trampled on, and on more than one occasion had the words “I hate you” spat at me.

(image courtesy of www.kindovermatter.com)

If I am going to be honest, the words have often cut me, deep inside, made me feel worthless and unloved. After one such bout of insults, I ended up seeking solace in a psychologist, I really thought there was something wrong with me, something I needed to change. Why would so many people put me down otherwise?

She taught me that as a person, we each have the right to stand up for ourselves, to have our own values and beliefs, even if they differ from others.

The haters have not seemed to come out to play for a while. I have had the odd comment thrown my way, but I have chosen to brush it off. I finally realize that some people’s issues lay within themselves, not the person they are attacking.

A personal vow to myself to become more assertive has also helped significantly. I did not want my children growing up thinking it was ok to treat me like dirt seeing others did.

Then yesterday occurred, an innocent update on my Facebook profile led to what could almost be described as all out war. What was meant to be a positive outlook at a crappy situation was turned into an absolute slander against me as a person.

For once I didn’t let the hurts cut me like they normally do, I finally realize that some people just want to hate on others, I don’t really know why, but it happens.

What happened next absolutely touched my heart. A solider of supporters came to back me up, friends, old and new stood up for me as a person, sent me emails, texts, and called me for support. I was touched to the core of my soul.

One lovely friend whom I haven’t seen for a while rung me purely to just say that she wanted me to know that I was awesome. I told her I thought she was pretty awesome too!

When an old primary school friend rung to see if I was ok, I took the opportunity to organise a long needed catch up with her.

Finally I see me for who I am. I am not everyone’s cup of tea, there will always be bound to be at least someone who does not click with me. Life would be rather boring after all if we were all exactly the same.

I am not perfect, I have had to apologise for hurting others before, and I am sure that I will have more things to apologise for down the track.

Photo courtesy of One Little Picture Photography

Photo courtesy of one little picture photography

This is me, Alicia, Im a Mother, a Wife, a Friend, a Woman.

Life has brought me many experiences and lessons that have moulded me to be the person I am today.

It has taken me 31 years, but finally I am comfortable in my own skin, comfortable with the little quirks, traits, things that make me who I am.

I will apologise for many a thing in life, for the wrongs I do, I will try my best to make them right.

But one thing I will never apologise for is being me.

About these ads

11 thoughts on “Unapologetically Me

  1. You have me in tears. You are a beautiful person, i constanly feel inspired by your strengh and honesty.
    Im having a horrible night myself, struggling with my self hatred, reapeating over and over again in my head all the horrible things that have happened to me, all the nasty things that i have been call and made me be the person i am today. Someone who cant not see one bit of good in myself, I hurt daily, and let it paralise me, i dont do what i want in life as “im to Fat” i even have myself convienced today, that i cant be a good teachers aide as “im Fat” not smart and have nothing to offer. I cant wait for the day that i can say i Love myself and im worth everything. I also want to be a great role model for my kids, but i just beat myself down to no point of return at times.
    Thanks again Alicia, for more things to think about.. Sorry for my vent. Love you beautiful lady x

  2. Alicia,

    Let it be known that your soul, your kindness, your you’ness is what makes YOU so special today, yesterday and tomorrow. I’m truly guided by your positive spirit and fantastic ability to look in the face of adversity and say a big f – to the u. You have strength and wisdom beyond your years and indeed a truth and honesty virtue that are qualities that are indeed enviable to others – that is the haters. But that is what makes you the more unique and special as you have qualities that many of ‘us’ possess but just haven’t worked out the ability to nurture it and set it free !

    I liken this to a book some of Eckart Tolle’s theories, in that something you ‘hate/dislike’ in others is something you “hate/dislike” in yourself.

    I wish I could’ve been there to rally support yesterday. Let it be known that those that breed contempt have yet to seek and search deep within themselves and it’s not an easy job – as it brings out some ugly truths….

    You are YOU and for YOU I’m thankful…..stay strong and YOU xoxoxoxo that’s what I dig the most !!!!

    Can I just add, I flashed back to one of your posts where you were dancing with Ms K and being all kinds of ‘goofy’ and my own little monologue was ‘I wish I could be that goofy and let go like that’ :) I’m learning through your examples that you can nurture and set free !!! xoxoxoxoxo

    • thank you beautiful lady, you always seem to know the right words, I really appreicate re connecting with you, and all the wonderful things you bring along. Big hugs to you xx

  3. Alicia, it makes me so sad to read how people have treated you. However, I am glad to also read that you have reached the point where you are comfortable with who you are. You are what I would imagine a great role model should be and your two wonderful kids are very lucky indeed.

    It is unbelievable how misconstrued the post was the other day, lucky they don’t read half of mine! I believe it’s called venting….we are able to have horrible periods in our life after all! I don’t trust people who are always ‘happy’ anyway.

    You have a great family, enjoy them and enjoy yourself! :)

  4. Oh hun I am so sorry about what happened – I missed it all and I have to say I am kind of glad. I am so happy though that you have come to this peaceful place you are now. You totally rock hun and you are wonderful in every way. Please do not let anyone convince you otherwise. Just let the haters keep on hating….They’ll eventually realise it is all just one big waste of time. xxx

    • Thanks Sonia for your lovely words, it was something that actually happened on my personal page, something that may have left me drained and upset 6mths ago, but this time I decided to not let other peoples views get me down. Big hugs to you xx

  5. Pingback: Go Easier On Yourself – I am enough. « Alicia's Little Moments

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s